Without the daily aid of Steps 10, 11 and 12, I become a suicide bomber -- at least in the spiritual sense of that term. When I am in charge of my own life, it's just as if I strap a bunch of explosives to myself and then proceed about my daily business. Sooner or later I encounter a situation that upsets me in some way. And that's when I pull the string, blowing myself up and not infrequently the people with whom I'm interacting.

Of course, like any good suicide bomber, I maintain that I'm not a suicide bomber. And even if I am, it's not me that pulls the string on the detonator. Oh no -- it's you, it's him, it's her, it's them. They are the ones responsible for all this mayhem -- not me!

When I arm myself daily with all these explosive expectations, resentments, hopes, and fears, it's inevitable that sooner or later I'm going to let them all off. The key is not to strap these dangerous things to myself in the first place. In fact, that's what other people advise: Don't develop these fears in the first place, they tell me. But although I acknowledge that they're right, I can't help myself. Most days I'm not even aware that I'm putting these things on -- until all of a sudden there's a big bang.

Only the daily practice of Steps 10, 11 and 12 stops me doing this. Of myself, I cannot resist doing it. Each day, I must turn to a higher power I shall never understand to rid myself of expectations, resentments, hopes, and fears before they blow me up.