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Old friends


 
A friend in Program says:

On occasions in our lives, we have the opportunity to revisit people we used to know well but have not contacted in some time because they are far away or have taken a path in life different to our own.

After we start to practice the last three Steps with determination and honesty, these visits to people we once knew well can take on an interesting texture. In some ways, we sense how far away from them we have moved, not necessarily physically but spiritually. One of the great liberating aspects of working Steps 10, 11 and 12 is that we get to see that "our troubles ... are basically of our own making," and as we see this we tend to create fewer and fewer problems in our lives. Those problems, after all, come from our wants; and as our wants begin to disappear, as we start to live our lives on a true acceptance of Step 3, so the problems just seem to fade away. Our friends, though, are frequently not in Program; and their grasping at "solutions" for their supposed "problems" occupies, as we now see, practically all of their lives. From this point of view, there is a gulf now fixed between us and them.

But at the same time we feel closer to those friends -- not just closer: we see that we are our friends. Their capacity for bringing suffering into their lives is something that we do still -- not to the same extent, perhaps, but inevitably to some degree. Every time we want something, or attempt to avert something, we become just like our friends -- in fact, we become our friends. And with that understanding comes compassion, a desire to do what we can to relieve their suffering, even if it's simply by listening carefully to what they have to say. In this respect, we can feel closer to them than we ever felt when we led our lives the way that they lead theirs.


"The spiritual life is never one of achievement:
it is always one of letting go."

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