Confronted by Step 11 in our 12-Step program, many of us say, "I can't meditate." At least in my case, that meant, "I don't want to meditate." And what I really meant was, "I'm afraid to meditate."

I was afraid to meditate because I knew only too well what would probably happen. I would be required to give up yet something else, and I didn't want to do that. I had pulled my life back into some sort of order since I began my recovery. Admittedly, there were still some small problems -- actually, some of them weren't so small -- but there had been a huge improvement, generally speaking. And also, I had plenty of time in Program. Didn't seniority count for something? And I suspected -- quite correctly, as it turns out -- that if I started to meditate, I would find myself at the beginning of something all over again.

As I say, that's exactly what has happened. Meditation is a constant process of finding oneself back at the very start. That can be a little humiliating sometimes, but -- as I now realize -- it's nothing to be afraid of.