This Way of Living

Working Steps 10, 11, and 12.
Building a personal practice.
Creating a small group practice.

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So fear isn't a problem for you?
Denial ... and weasel words.

It can sometimes be difficult - occasionally it can be impossible - to admit that we are afraid. A common habit is using elaborate language in order to avoid the words fear or afraid.

No fear
Let's begin with those of us who say we are never afraid. We are usually men - men who like to think that we are "real men." When we say "I'm never afraid," what we actually mean is, "I am so full of fear that I'm even afraid to say I'm afraid."

Part of accepting that we are beyond human aid is learning that the statement "I'm never afraid" is the password to a life of ongoing fear and misery ... or to a possible death sentence.

Weasel words
Most of us use these from time to time so that we can weasel out of saying "I'm afraid." Instead, we say "I'm a little concerned about ...." or "This has been on my mind recently ...." or "I've been noticing that ...."

Weasel words are code for "Actually, I am afraid, but it's something I can manage on my own, and I'm certainly not going to humiliate myself by talking about it."

Being completely honest about fear
When we talk about fears, we're not just talking about the big ones. We're talking about the little ones too, the tiny iddy-biddy fears that whisper to us, "Don't pay any attention to me."

So we learn to be rigorously honest about all our fears when we do Step 10 by ourselves. And when it comes to doing Step 10 in a group, we prefer small private groups or a very small 12-Step meeting, because of the trust and intimacy we find there.

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