The history of Program is full of anomalies. The sponsor of Bill W., the co-founder of AA, was not an alcoholic at all but a Jesuit priest called Father Dowling. Father Dowling always considered the phrasing of Step 12 to be a mistake. He believed it should read, "Having had a spiritual experience ...."

Why is it so important that we think in terms of a spiritual awakening? Does it matter whether we call it an experience or an awakening?

A Buddhist might favor the word "awakening." But at least one good reason for using the word "experience" is that an experience is something it is hard to doubt. To experience something is to go through it, to feel it, apprehend it, relate it to ourselves in the most intimate way. The Steps of Program are a preparation for that experience; at least in part, they insure that we don't get distracted by ego-driven experiences too early in our recovery.

If we work Steps 10 and 11 as recommended in the Big Book, then we can be fairly certain that our spiritual experiences are meaningful and unselfish, as well as being self-authenticating. And it is this self-authenticating nature of those experiences that is so compelling. Our experience of our spiritual nature in self-awareness (Step 10), prayer and meditation (Step 11), and living the mesage (Step 12) is something we cannot doubt. If that experience calls into question some of the most deeply held beliefs and opinions we may have, then those beliefs and opinions simply must be questioned. To draw back at this point is to cast our entire Program into jeopardy, for spiritual progress does not consist in ceaselessly revisiting the first nine Steps, but in experiencing for ourselves through Steps 10, 11 and 12 just what spirituality means.