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This Way of Living
Working Steps 10, 11, and 12.
Building a personal practice.
Creating a small group practice.

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... Some of us went to 12-Step meetings that were open to members of any 12-Step fellowships, where we could discuss these Steps ...

... But we found that discussing these Steps is, by itself, not very helpful. Doing them and discussing them is great. Doing them without discussing them is just as great. But discussing them without doing them - that seemed to change very little for us ...

... When we discuss our fears with someone, we don't just talk about the big ones (the "elephants"). We talk about the little fears too, the "ants," the tiny iddy-biddy fears that whisper to us, "Don't pay any attention to me. ...

... The main purpose of Step 10 is to rid ourselves of fear - not for ever, but right here and right now. Instead of trying to manipulate the world and everyone in it, we simply give in - we surrender completely. We ask for the fear (and the resentment and the selfishness and the dishonesty) to be removed, and we discuss these things with someone. We describe elsewhere how we do Step 10, alone, one-on-one, or in small private groups ...

... Intimacy is what permits discussion of our deepest fears. And discussing our fears in turn deepens that intimacy. We are not talking here about sexual or physical intimacy. We are talking about a relationship that is based on trust and openness ...

... The discussion part of Step 10 does not involve the offering or receiving of advice. After all, we practice Steps 10 and 11 constantly because we don't know what we should do ourselves, much less what other people should do. So the discussion consists in sharing our feelings, and then listening while the other person shares his or her feelings ...

... We do Step 10 by ourselves as a constant practice, just as the AA Big Book suggests on page 84. But part of Step 10 is the discussion of our selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear with someone else. Obviously, if we need to do this part of the Step, we have to interact with another person ...

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